Goodies: Get Yourself Free, Damn It!

You know, sometimes you just have to take a break. I do, anyway. We have a dollar theatre here in Kailua, and once in a while I sneak away and watch a movie. Well, truth be told, I do it at least once a week - I love movies. There's something about watching the silly antics of people and seeing how they get (oooh - almost let that one get by - sorry! - how WE get...) in trouble because we don't tell the truth.

Tell the truth? What you sayin', girl? I tell the truth!

Hm. Really? You tell the truth about how you FEEL? About what you REALLY WANT? About what you'd do if you weren't so AFRAID all the time?

Can't you hear that nasty, nagging, negative, teacher-y voice in your head? Pleagh. Do you suppose it will EVER let UP?

Probably not. We have enough of that stuff in our heads to last us three lifetimes. No wonder we do such messed up stuff sometimes!

But you know what? We don't have to listen. We don't have to choose the same old taudry, everyday, boring, rut-clinging, less-than, soul-killing stuff every time, every day, all day for the rest of our lives! Uh-UH! No way!

I can hear it now - what is she going on about? What is she going to sell us now?

Well, I'm going on about a movie I just saw. And I'm not about selling you nuthin'. I just saw Queen Latifah in Last Holiday. Now, I like all kinds of movies. Ones that make me think, make me cry, make me laugh (genuine laughter, not just stupid antics), and make me think of new ideas.

Well, this one made me MAD!

I loved it! I love Queen Latifah. She's BIG. She's loud. She's beautiful. She's courageous. And she she always chooses scripts that mean something. That say something. That say, GET FREE - NOW!

This one was no exception. She plays a scaredy-cat woman who finds she has 3 weeks to live, goes to the bank and takes all her money and goes on what she thinks is a last holiday.

It's pretty predictable. But it was beautifully done and very well-played. And it made me think of all the people who write me and ask me what to do - "I need a miracle," they say. "I need help, I'm suicidal, I'm broke, I'm depressed, I'm this, I'm that."

Well, look around. Who isn't? Who doesn't go through the downs now and then?

The one distinction between the ones who stay there and the ones who don't is one thing (and don't go saying this is anything you haven't heard before, either): decision.

I can hear you now - "Glib, Angela, glib. Get off it, I don't have time for this. Besides, my situation is serious. I need money NOW. I'm going to die. I have a terminal illness." Yes! I know. Life can hurt. I've had my share, too, as most of you know - a little over a year ago I had less than zero net worth, less than that self-esteem, and a whole slew of problems.

But you know what? Life is different for me now. So different, that last weekend, I was fortunate enough to be invited to present a new freedom tool I had invented to a fabulous group of people at the inimitable Rebecca Marina's EFT/Intuition/Marketing Seminar in Texas. It was so much fun I could hardly contain myself. And it made me some very good money.

What changed between those times up to a bit more than a year ago, and now?

I'll tell you what.

I DECIDED.

I decided.

I DECIDED that I was bored living with fear kicking me in the gut all day long.
I DECIDED that since I had only 40 years to go I would be bloody damned if I was going to end up a namby-pamby submissive self-deprecating little ex-wife with grown kids who disrespected her because she was perpetually broke and unable to support herself.
I DECIDED that I had had enough of feeling sorry for myself and making excuses - I can't afford it, the money hasn't shown up, it wasn't meant to be, I need help, they don't help me, I don't know how - blame-blame-blame excuse-excuse-excuse!
I DECIDED I was sick of my script.
I DECIDED to rewrite it, stick to it, and hell be damned.

I can't afford it became, "Well, I'm saving up for it, and I WILL do it when/if I choose." And, "I'm being responsible for my finances from now on no matter what I have to learn and no matter what it takes."

The money hasn't shown up yet became, "Huh! I wonder if I really want to do that whatever it is." or, "Huh! It's just energy! What do I need to do, change, think, ask, wonder or shift in order to create that?" or, "New opportunities surround me daily, and I choose the ones I like best."

It wasn't meant to be became, "I choose not to do that," or, "I'm going to do that, and I wonder how it will come about, because I have no idea."

And all this: I need help, they don't help me, I don't know how - god! Make me barf! Did I ASK for help? No! I kept my little lips tight and suffered oooooh so much! And when I did ask for help, it was by whining and bitching and moaning - who wants to get near anyone like that, I ask you?

THAT is telling the truth. I told myself my real truth. I told myself that I hated my life the way it was. I declared - out loud - that I would only allow myself to do and have and be what I truly liked and loved. And I didn't give a r**'s *** who didn't like it - they aren't in here with me, they don't live in my house, they don't run my life - I do!

That is the truth. I wanted - WANT - to feeeeel gooood.

I didn't feel good then. I hated how I felt. I hated how I cried so much. I hated how guilty I felt that I was fat. I hated how I looked. I hated hated hated.

What kind of life is that when you hate your life and yourself and what you do and how you look and what you think other people are thinking about you? Who ARE we trying to please, anyway?

That sucks the big one. Sorry. It's our very life energy we're wasting here, man. I know, I'm brave, I'm outspoken, I do what scares me - I even went to a 25,000 dollar workshop last year because it scared the living daylights out of me - but I knew I had to do it because I wanted to see what it felt like to give that to myself. To give that much value to ME. And I'm telling you, it changed how I think of myself. It changed how I do my life. It changed what I do, what I align myself with. It changed my relationship with money. MONEY IS A TOOL! Not a master! Why do we let it control us? Please?

Life is a laugh. We take it so seriously. We think it's a terminal disease, and we better not enjoy it too much because someone might get hurt, might die, might cause trouble, might -

Yeah, so?

We need to fire the one who wrote the rule that says life should be safe, we ought not to get hurt, die or be in trouble!

This is real stuff here. We do get hurt. We do die. We do get into scrapes. So? Do stars die? Do comets scrape planets? Do moons cave in? So? Isn't that NATURAL????

Good GRIEF! We have this incredible universe around us - just look UP! How can we measure the sky? And I don't care if it's clear or smoggy - we've got sky! It changes every day! It's a miracle!

Look beneath you - you see any ground there? Would you tell me what we'd do without that simple thing no one really understands how it works - called gravity?

Isn't it a laugh? We are immersed in a world that is so miraculous that we can't even see it. We put our stupid penny-poor problems in front of our noses and allow them to plow us into such a mire of dire thoughts and worries that we are absolutely chronically blind to the incredible circus of movement and color and sensation in and around us all day every day forever.

So we fell down and missed a payment and got charged 30 bucks. Won't do it again, will we!

So what if we flunked a test. Did anyone DIE from flunking? So die! Doesn't almost every religious big guy tell us we are eternal and our essence lives on?

We just have no TRUST that if we don't control it it ain't gonna happen!

I say, if the script doesn't please you, get a new director, get a new scriptwriter. Get a new set. Throw the old film OUT. Take whatever steps it takes - quantum leaps, or baby steps. Just TAKE them. Laugh, and take another one! YOU are your only judge. YOU are your own worst enemy until you become your own best friend.

Here's what I ask myself when I decide things:
Does it make me laugh?
Does it scare me?
Does it make me feel more alive?
Is it aligned with my Stand for Infinite Possibility?
Does it inspire me?
Excite me?
Does it delight me?
Who will I meet and be interacting with?
Do I feel inspiring, attractive, relaxed, expansive?

Tell yourself the truth, will you please? If you're stuck in a box, climb out. What the heck good are you doing anyone by staying stuck? If you need a ladder, and there isn't anyone there to hand you one, dig a damn hole and crawl out until you can stand up and breathe again.

Freedom seldom happens in a split instant. It happens with determined, focused, baby steps. One at a time. Constant, continual, determined, directed steps.

And navigation, because there's no One Map. Each of us has an individual path to walk. And if anyone tells you which step to take where, check first to see if it fits for you - and have the courage to say no if it doesn't and the honesty to say yeah, thanks, if it does.

Do it for yourself.

Do it for all of us. Say to yourself, "When I stay stuck, everyone stays stuck. When I climb free, I give a billion others permission, inspiration, a hand up. When I lie and say no, it can't be done, only a year more, I don't know how, I'd never make it anyway - a little more darkness seeps in and steals my light. A little more heaviness drags me down. A little more nothing kills my everything." Now that is the truth.

TELL yourself how you want to be.
TELL yourself what you want to do from being you.
TELL yourself what you want to have as a result.

"Ooooh, I don't know what I want!"
I hear that all the time, did you know that?

Honey! You just want to FEEL good!
You just want to give love!
You just want appreciation and respect!
You just want to feel love!

So feel it!
Give it!
Respect others!
Appreciate others!
That's how to get it!
No one told us that - or showed us how - or did it loud enough that we took notice.

So notice now.
It's easy.

Now go BE it. DO it. NOW.

See what I get from one little movie! I LOVE movies!

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